Exactly one year ago today I found myself in the hospital for what I thought would be 24 hours. It just shows you that no matter how much control you have over your life - you can't control everything. I left the hospital 4 days later - FOUR long days later of bland food, no sleep and my veins looking like I had been doing drugs all my life (or at least what I think that would look like!)
But I left the hospital with a lot more than that ... I left the hospital with the knowledge of how the world works. Of how people react in good times and in challenging times. I gained a perspective on life.
I spend 90% of my day and thoughts on work... but not one person drove the 2.3 miles from my office to the hospital to visit me. These are the people I spend all of my time with. The people I spend my vacation with (since I never take all of my vacation). The people I spend my sick days with (becuase unless I am yacking on the floor... I am suffering through everything else at the office). The people that I just made Valentine's goodie bags for (to the tune of almost $87). The people that I make sure we send flowers to when they have their babies, or get married, or a family member passes. But more on the flower subject later.
I have amazing friends that I remember on their birthday, send a text just to make sure their dog doesn't need to be walked, or spend hours putting Valentine's packages together so I can mail 28 boxes of Chocolates and cards so they feel special on a special day. But not a one walked through the doors of the hospital.
Not at this point I should say - two people from work emailed each day and three friends texted and called when the hours got long.
But not one coworker or friend stepped foot through those doors. And the only flowers that ever arrived over 4 long days in a hospital were from the hospital thanking me for my insurance!
Now for the disclaimer - this is not a pity party. Nor is this a story of sitting in a hospital alone. My Mother spent at least 8 hours each say sitting beside of me - knowing when to talk and when to take a walk. A few family members made the trek to see me - including two of my nieces who gave me the necessary break by playing on the fun bed that moved (though I paid for it later!).
But I am thankful for this experience. Not at the time - and not in the 6 or 10 months after. But though it doesn't seem like it now - I was able to finally realize that I don't do what I do for coworkers or friends or family to get anything in return. I don't do it so when I am in the hospital the next time - they visit. I spent hours preparing Valentine's for coworkers and all my friends - simply because I wanted to. And while I was fixing the goodie bags tonight - it made me feel good and enjoy it.
So if nothing else - four days in the hospital, numerous CT scans and MRI's later, and black and blue bruises all up my arms from the collapsed veins... taught me to do things because I want to and they make me happy. And for no other reason - because no matter what - you can not control what others will do.
And with that - I have peace. And the hope that that was my first and last hospital stay for a very long time!
